Lost Everything But With Hope

Dearest Jesus, I remember I had lost everything in 2012, in surrender to Your will, I then had lost everything twice, in 2020 November to December, when I was being refined by You. I have lost everything so much that I have gone numb, but one thing I have learnt is to cherish my life. I came to see that my life is precious, despite having lost everything thrice. You then tell me that You love me, that You are with me, regardless of my feelings. It is when I have emptied everything in my life, I see You and You tell me that You have been with me all my life, that every tear, every trauma, every suicidal day, every time I was in my most traumatized position, every mistake, every disappointment and so on, You are with me and I am grateful. I have chronically lost all friends, so that all I can see is You and I would not change my life’s circumstance, I would not let my trials be removed, but to dance in the refining fire, for it draws me closer to You Lord Jesus. I am single, so that I could also use this advantage to spend most of my time in You. You then came to save me Lord Jesus, three times of suicide attempts back in July 2019 having survived. I have been hospitalized for six times between 2017 to 2021, three times I was in the psychiatric ICU. In this darkness, I see You, the more storms came into my life, the more I seek You.